Both psychologists and employees who work for serious dating sites are confident that a good virtual acquaintance is an acquaintance that has led to strong and harmonious relationships in real life. Of course, it’s good when you have friends all over the world who will listen on Skype at any time, read or write a long sincere email, talk about the climate in the tropical country where they live, and help rent apartments for a vacation. But most of us, getting acquainted on the World Wide Web, still hope to find not only the warmth of the soul of another person, but the warmth of the hand that you can touch when meeting. Thus, we take it as an axiom that, under a successful set of circumstances, sooner or later and with a virtual acquaintance, the moment of the first glance in the real world, the first 10 seconds, minutes, hours ... and all life together will come.
However, on the Internet all the same first stages of dating are somewhat modified. How does this affect the psychology of dating?
1. In real life, when meeting, we almost always can not avoid the first glance at each other. On the Internet, our eyes are caressed by photographs. On different dating sites, posting photos can be optional or a prerequisite. Usually, the more serious the resource, the more stringent the moderation conditions the publication of images can withstand, which allows you to be sure: in the profile of the person you are interested in, you will see his photo, you can see the face, the picture will really be him, and not a painted “avatar” and not the goalkeeper of the Italian team for football by Gian Luigi Buffon, the image will not contain advertising or indecent, offensive material.
Cons: different people are photogenic in different ways. Someone turns out better than in life, and someone does not look like himself. Many, obeying the natural desire to attract attention, are fond of photoshop.
Pros: in life, it is often inconvenient for us to openly examine people, since we ourselves are unpleasant when unfamiliar people "stare" at us. When we get to know each other on the Web, comfortably sitting in our favorite chair by the computer, in home slippers and a bathrobe, with a cup of tea, we can look at the photo for any length of time. Though under a magnifying glass.
2. A fleeting 10 seconds of the very first general impression, formed in real life from information that gives us almost all the senses in the first moment of acquaintance, replaces the general impression of the questionnaire when meeting on a specialized site. In life, we unconsciously analyze not only the appearance of a person (the anatomy of his face and figure), but how he is dressed (clean, careless, sloppy, unpretentious, elegant, tasteful, stylish), the condition of shoes, hairstyles, nails, skin of hands and so on. On the site, we are more conscious, and, as a rule, more thoroughly and thoroughly evaluate the vis-a-vis questionnaire (how full, how it is framed, straightforwardness and openness, style and manner of presentation of information).
Cons: most often at the first meeting in the virtual world, we don’t hear a voice welcoming us, we don’t feel the smell of a new acquaintance. And the ability to carefully think through and work out the appearance of your page deprives us of the opportunity to see a person at the time of improvisation.
Pros: sometimes a person looks good, but the smell emits such that thanks to my computer for the opportunity not to smell my interlocutor. In addition, the Internet makes it possible to immediately get more information from the profile of the person you are interested in than in real life we get not even one, but two or three dates. And time to "digest" the available information.
3. During the first ten minutes of the meeting, the couple usually exchanges polite, little meaningful phrases, trying to start and maintain a conversation. On the Web, usually with the so-called “small” politeness conversations, correspondence begins.
Cons: again, correspondence gives more chances to think over a phrase, depriving a virtual conversation of a certain spontaneity and, at the same time, naturalness.
Pros: you also have the opportunity to better express your thoughts. And also to evaluate the literacy of speech, how carefully your correspondence friend treats the language. The duration of the correspondence depends only on you.
4. On a first date, people usually have a good time walking in a romantic place (park or public garden), or doing something together. Something that both people like, for example, rollerblading or painting (if both artists). At the very least, psychologists recommend planning a first date. Also, experts advise after a walk or other joint activity to drink coffee or tea in a cozy cafe, without deafening music, so that you can end a successful day with a warm conversation in a relaxed atmosphere. On a dating site, the first, modest and minimalistic joint meal is replaced by all the same correspondence.
Cons: it is very important to see how a person behaves at a table, how he eats food (even if it's just a light salad or just a cake); whether he champs, lays his elbows on a table or holds them on a weight. Very often we like a person, but up to a toothache annoying how noisy he sips tea from a mug. And we understand that we can’t listen to this smacking every day.
Pros: if you carefully reviewed the photo of the user you liked (and he is yours), studied each other's profiles, entered into correspondence, sorted out the initial awkwardness, and you are interested and pleased to communicate, - most likely, you are still ahead, and then, how he drinks a milkshake through a straw will not bother you, because most likely you are doing it the same way.